Crystalised
by accioepiphany
Summary: Rencounters and unfinished business usually proves that despite the passing of time some things tend to be a constant. Alicia and Finn found each other again after a good bye kept them apart for more time than desired, there's chat, food and wine.
1. So don't think that I'm pushing you away

She was losing. The prosecutor had a strong case and no matter what tricks she pulled out he had the evidence, the jurors and the judge.

She had lost. Now it was only a matter of waiting for the verdict for it to be official.

Walking out of the courtroom, feeling defeated and a little lost -What was she doing?- she felt so lonely. There was no one to second chair, or someone to comment the case with, no second opinions or any sort of help. Starting over was rough. Not that she had needed anyone before... or maybe she had? It was a balance. A little aid and input from others and a little of her own.

To say the truth, it was mostly a lack of confidence and concentration. Suddenly there was so much to do at the same time: call the clients, set a meeting, arrange the paperwork, do research, go to the courtroom and put it all together. She didn't have her full self while facing the judge, she was a thousand places at the same time, not to mention all of Peter's campaign stuff that gathered along at the top of the pile.

She had just get out of court and was checking her phone at the exit, when suddenly someone's gaze fell over her. She turned to face it and couldn't believe her eyes. That honest and reassuring smile, short and straight-but-turning-curly hair -it wasn't always like that, had he been doing something on it?-, and the eyes, she still couldn't tell what exact color they were. He was now walking towards her, reaching out, starting the conversation.

"Hey" He said, extending for a while on the e, trying to keep up the smile.

"Finn!" Was her response. She couldn't disguise the happiness, the relief that had fill her when she saw him. After such an awful week (month, actually) this came as sunrise after a storm. It was Finn, a safe place. If only for a short period of time.

"It has been so long since we last met. When was the last time? was it in your apartment?" There was amusement in his voice, but also interest.

"Yeah, you said goodbye and meant it"

"I... yeah. I shouldn't have... it was a little drastic, wasn't it? I mean. It has been so long, a lot had happened"

"It had! what a year can make"

"A year! phew. Time flies"

"It does"

She was now staring at Finn more closely, trying to see the consequences of time on him. Did he now have some stubble? Were there more wrinkles? Was that a new haircut? No, he was the same. Same wrinkles in the corner of his lips, same cut and shave, same tired but eager eyes and same old suit and familiar tie, if she was not mistaken. He decided to interrupt her train of thoughts.

"So what's new with you? You're good?"

"Yeah! yes. It's great, it's fine" Finn was raising a questioning eyebrow. He wasn't buying the cordial bullshit others had swallowed pretty fast for the past month "No, it's terrible. Really crappy, actually? I'm pretty sure I lost the case I was just now defending" She was smiling though, she couldn't help it, being still in the rush of this encounter, suddenly her issues seemed light and unsubstantial.

"That's not good. Who are you working with now?"

"Nobody. Worked for some time with Louis Canning, big mistake. Now I'm by myself, exploring how it is to do it all! How do you do it, huh? It's not as pleasant as you made it seem when you went solo"

Finn laughed, a short natural giggle.

"No! It is not easy at all! I'm glad I transmit that zen and all-in-control look, though" He said in a relaxed manner, staring at the ceiling and then back at her.

"How about you? Very busy?" Alicia said to his curious eyes.

"You have no idea, or maybe you do now that you're working by yourself. I was just in a case of drug dealing. My client is innocent, but they were planning on going down with him. I think I got him though, the jurors like him"

"Drug dealing and innocent, tell me about it"

"That's right! Cary! How is he doing by the way?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. I think well, I hope he is well"

"You are not in touch? not with Lockhart, Agos and Lee? or is it Lee, Lockhart and Agos? They keep changing it, hadn't get used to the latest"

"You seem to be more in touch with them than I am" She said, raising her eyebrows a little.

"Worked a few cases together, but that was a few months ago. So you're not? How come?"

"mmm yeah, I don't know. Long story" She said, trying to drift away from the subject.

"Well... Listen" He hesitated. Alicia stared at him inquisitive "I just think... I think we should catch up. There seems to be a lot to tell. And, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, I have to get going. I have an appointment in..." He paused to stare at his watch "...exactly five minutes! I gotta tell the cab driver to fly. But I really want to keep talking, to know the long story. I'm... I'm sorry we got apart for so long, I don't think it was quite fair"

"I agree. You did a pretty good job at staying away, huh? I can't believe we haven't crossed paths before. But. I will love to keep talking as well"

"Well, it wasn't only me that stayed away. But yeah, let's focus on _now_. How about..." He was staring at her, reading her expression. She almost felt he was expecting her to ask the question for him "...dinner at my house? Tonight? Is quieter there, better to talk. Bars can be so loud. And I really want to hear the whole story of this past year. I don't know how busy you are, though. If you can't, we can plan another day or..."

"Perfect. I'll be there. Eight?"

He didn't answer right away, a few seconds passed until he changed his face of disbelief for articulate words.

"Yeah. Wonderful! I'll fix something to eat" He said, grasping his portfolio tighter and putting away his phone in his pocket, getting ready to leave.

"Okay. Bye, Finn" Alicia said, smiling.

"Not for long" He said as he turned around and headed to the street, turning back a few steps ahead to give her a big smile. She stood there watching him go, forgetting about all for a second, considering the line she had agreed to cross. It's just dinner though, she thought. Dinner with a friend, a really good friend she hadn't seen in a while. It deserved a dinner. It didn't had to be more to it than that, but yet she felt there was.

The way Finn had proposed it and reacted to her agreement. The excitement growing on her as she got ready to go to his apartment, the fact that she had never been to his apartment before -better a public affair, their meetings, public business-, the attention she gave to choosing the wine she was taking, the wonderful day she had had since their encounter. Grace had told her, before leaving for choir practice, that she looked so happy.

"Case went well?"

"Not really, I lost. But I'm good!"

"Yeah, I can see that. Well, whatever it is I'm happy you're happy, mom" She finished, kissing her goodbye and walking out of the door.

Alicia checked her watch: 7:30. She was leaving soon. She stared at her reflection, at the constant smile she had try to hid away all day but had fail miserably. It's probably nothing, she said to herself, just some drinks and food, friends catching up, anything beyond that would bring trouble and distance, just like before, and Finn got someone in his life, and she kind of got someone too, at least in Finn's eyes.

She was way beyond this. Why did she cared? Why did she felt like a teenager, climbing through the window of her room to meet a _boy_ in the middle of the night? She laughed to herself. This was ridiculous. She was reading too much into it and disappointment will be following great expectations. Maybe this was fine too. Maybe she wanted everything to go as expected. She talked to Finn again! And he wanted to talk more to her, he didn't made any attempt to escape and she didn't either. Things were good just like that.

* * *

Author's note: This is the first of two parts. And the title is based on a song by The XX, hence the spelling of that word that seem to have a thousand different ways to be written!


	2. When you're the one that I've kept close

8:05. The buzz started ringing. Finn gave a quick look to the sauce he had on the pan, lowered the heat and went to open the door. There she was, a bottle of wine in her hands.

"I brought wine!"

"I can see that. Well, thanks" Finn murmured, picking up the bottle, reading: Merlot 2012 "Nice wine selection. Oh, please come in" he continued, leading her through the door frame and closing the door behind her "I have to keep an eye on the sauce I'm making, but you can sit on the living room meanwhile"

"Oh, I think I'll join you in the kitchen. Can I help with anything?" Alicia said, staring at the walls around her, regarding them closely while she followed him to the kitchen where Finn kept walking towards the stove, turning his back at her to check the saucepan and the water boiling behind it.

"What? No! You're the guest. You're only allowed to stay in the kitchen to keep the chef entertained" he said, turning his head to face her "I got it" winking at her.

"Yes, chef. Then... how about you tell me where you keep your wine glasses?"

"mmm I think they are right above me? This cabinet over here" He said, pointing at the glass doors at the top, smiling over her confused face.

"Oh, ok" she said, reaching to the cabinet, making he move a little so both of them fitted in the tiny space that was near the stove "I got it" turning to wink at him in a similar manner. He couldn't help but chuckle a little.

It was hard for him to stop thinking about the fact that she was here: in his apartment, his kitchen, reaching for glasses in his counter, near his stove, near his oven, near him, so near.

"You keep this well hidden, huh? When was the last time you used them? I think I can see a spider web on this one" she said, checking one glass throughly while setting it aside and reaching for another.

"I'm more of a scotch guy. A spider web? No, it doesn't have..." Finn replied, moving his arm just behind her -being too aware of the closeness this implied- to the counter across to check it out for himself "mmm ok. That does look like a spider web. Maybe they could use a little water before actually holding wine"

Alicia turned within herself with the other glass in her hand to go to the dishwasher, finding herself trapped between the stove and Finn's arm who was reaching to the counter again to return the glass.

"Oh, sorry" he said, retracting the arm so fast it seemed to had caught up in fire, making the glass he was holding stay for a second in the counter and then move dangerously in the direction his arm went, reaching its final destination, the floor, with a loud clash followed by shattered glass that spread all across the tiny kitchen "Oh fuck!"

"It's okay! We can clean it in no time! It had spider webs anyhow" Alicia said glancing at the wide spread of pieces and then turning to give Finn a reassuring smile.

"Yes, the thing is that those were my only two wine glasses? I guess I could drink it in a scotch glass or a plastic cup, I have tons of those..."

"What?!" she gave him the most offended face she could work out "You are not drinking wine in a plastic cup, or a scotch one. It will get grossly hot and lose all the Merlot of it, probably. I wouldn't know because I don't drink wine out of plastic cups! No to mention the embarrassment... I will have to admit I know people who drink wine out of plastic cups? No. We can share the only glass left" she finished in a dismissive way, turning away from him and looking for something around the kitchen, as if she did this with everyone and it was not only the most reasonable thing to do, but also the end of the discussion.

"Fine. If you're looking for a broom, there's one behind the door"

They set to recover all the little pieces together, while Finn took small breaks to check on the food. There were so many small parts of glass spread all over the kitchen, that even when they thought they were through, shinny parts kept gleaming so that they have to crouch once again to get them.

In between the cleaning Alicia brought up different anecdotes of her children and fallen juices and plates of soup and, of course, shattered glasses, and how all the times it happened, she could swear, every time, there was always glass left even weeks later. To counterpose Finn brought some stories of his own.

"I remember, once my son kept asking if he could use this tiny shot glasses we kept on the shelf in our living room, they were decorated with bright colors, probably a gift of someone from a fancy place, I don't remember. But he looked at them and asked, every time he could, why he couldn't use them, and that they were yellow! and green! and blue! and his size! and how perfect! and everyone got its own cup, and he wanted one of those. He was, what? about three or four. I wasn't letting my son drink juice out of shot glasses" Alicia laughed, Finn watched her while she kept picking up shattered pieces. She had this gracious manner of smiling so naturally, so on point, he thought. He felt he could share any type of story with her and he would always get an authentic response. And the bizarre thing was that she didn't seem like that with everyone, he had seen her interact with Eli, with Diane, with so many other lawyers and people and there was always this cunning face that knew how to react to keep an appearance, that strong 'don't mess with me' look. But that wasn't anywhere near to this natural reaction she got with him. It was so naive of him to think this only happened with him though, but he couldn't help it. He recovered the track of the story before fading away in thoughts. "So, anyway. Some time passed and Susan, my ex-wife, thought it couldn't be that bad. She always had this ideas. Like this naive vision of the world in which it will always work the way she wanted it. But it never did... it never does. I guess that was one of the reasons we drifted apart" Alicia froze for a moment, and stared at him with a worried expression.

"Is everything okay with Susan?"

"Oh. Yes. Well I think we finally ended it in friendly terms, so that part is okay!" he said looking her in the eyes, trying to give her his best calmed self "It was going to happen. When things are broken in a certain way, there's no point in trying to gather the pieces..." he lifted a piece of shattered glass he happened to be holding at the moment, smiling at the visual metaphor that had materialized in front of him "...to make them appear the same whole piece again. Sometimes is just better to pick them up and throw them away" He said, throwing the glass in the bin he had placed in the center for them to dispose the remaining parts of what used to be his wine glass. Alicia smiled and stared for some long ten seconds at him, making him turn away first so he could focus in finishing his story "So. With the shot glasses, she thought it couldn't be that bad, right? he'll probably grab it, see it was not such a big deal and lose all interest. I let her do it and of course things didn't go as planned, cause she pours some water and give it to him, he stares at it and smash it to the floor with all his strength and says 'it's too little' and we just stay there numb, and then laugh and laugh while picking up the pieces. While he continues his life as nothing had happened" they both giggle as he checks the food and sees it's almost done "I have always love how kids, small kids, go through life so easily and so swiftly, you know what I mean?"

"Yes. Grace used to run naked every time I gave her a bath until she was six or seven and I always envied how carefree she was about everything in those moments"

"Well, I think the food is ready"

"And the floor too!"

"I'm so sorry you had to spend all this time cleaning the floor with me. You are the guest, you should have just sat on the living room"

"No. That sounded boring, I enjoyed sharing stories"

"I'm glad I was of your entertainment. Now, please join me at the little table in what I like to call the dining room, but that might be the living room as well. And I'll serve the food"

Alicia went and sit on the 'dining room' while he fixed the plates. It was indeed tiny and a fusion between dining and living room. The table was pressed against a wall and it held three chairs. She wondered if they have ever hosted the protagonists of his story. Around the table, in front of it to be more precise, stood a couch facing a large TV surrounded by a cabinet that had several DVDs and books. In the wall behind, there were a few pictures. One particularly caught her attention, it had a huge landscape in the background and tiny figures in the front, whose facial features were not clear from where she was sitting, but Finn's silhouette was, the other -the shortest figure- was probably his son, Alicia thought.

Finn came back holding two dishes and interrupting her inspection. The conversation ran smoothly as did the wine. It felt as if they have talked like this the day before, not almost a year ago. They spoke about everything and nothing, while enjoying the food: the recipe for his dish, starting her own firm, Finn's old and new clients, Alicia's adventures with her brother, Finn's adventures with his sister, traveling, family, life...

"So, you are now at peace with Susan?"

"With Susan?"

"Yes Susan"

"Sorry, I'm not quite used to you saying her name"

"Oh, you mentioned it a while ago"

"Yeah. It's just weird, like two worlds colliding. Mmm yes, the first time it wasn't nice at all. If something good came out of this second time it was that we realized... I realized, there were some reasons why we went through with the divorce. Some issues that once there never left and actually tend to come back. And that was what happened, it was like being back again to those awful years before the divorce, but faster. It got pretty scary quite fast."

"I'm sorry, Finn"

"No, as I said. It was naive of us to think it could work again. I'm... I'm actually happy right now. More at peace with what happened. It helped me giving closure and understanding that it wasn't anyone's fault but the way things went"

"That seems like a smart conclusion. I'm glad you reached it. I wished I could bring myself to that level of understanding" she said, while taking a sip of wine from their shared glass.

"How are things going for yourself? Are things okay with Peter?"

She looked at him in a curious way. As if he was a student that have failed to say the obvious answer, the one that was right in front of him.

"Things have not been okay with Peter for a long time" It wasn't as he didn't knew, or had a hint, about the distance in Alicia's marriage. He knew they didn't live together, but he also knew they were _very much_ together for any campaign or public business. And he wanted to hear it from her. So he stayed in silence, waiting for her to continue "We haven't live together for almost six years now. I mean, we didn't got apart completely, it was good to stay together for the public eye, for his campaigns and mine, when it came to it" she stopped to look him in the eye, in what Finn view as an expectant eye. She was waiting for a judgmental face on him, but he was just curious, he wanted to understand her relationship better. She saw this and produced a long sigh "But, now, with the presidential campaign, I'm sure you know something about" she continued, this time in a more relaxed manner "He would have to move to DC, even if he doesn't wins, he will have to... If everything goes as planned"

"Not aiming for president huh? He wants to be vice president then?"

"Bingo. And the thing is, I'm tired. I'm tired of all these being in vain. Of me going through, so much... working in a firm, making one of my own, making partners, dissolving partnerships, working with Louis Canning for gods sake!"

"Louis Canning! You still need to tell me the full story on that"

"At this point I'm not even sure it happened... or how. But anyway, all the hard work and now embracing this road alone, finally. To have all that just taken away, because. You know, I'm officially his wife. If he moves and I don't, then.. 'What's going on with the Florrick family? 'Trouble in paradise for vice president Peter Florrick?' etcetera. So, it's a trap. This is it. We needed to make a decision. This whole other thing we got going on, whatever it was, wasn't going to work for the bigger picture" she went back to finishing her pasta, Finn was done with his, but he felt that wasn't all the story, it wasn't were she was heading, so he waited, taking the last sip of their glass and pouring the remaining of their second bottle. Second? That was fast. No wonder it was starting to feel hot inside the tiny living/dining room. "We are getting a divorce"

Finn interrupted his wine thoughts for a second to check what he had just heard.

"You are?"

"The paper work is already going through. We have both agreed and told Grace and Zach. I think this time it is happening"

"This time?"

"We tried it once, but didn't went through with it"

"Well. But you are happy with this decision?"

"You know what? I think I am. It feels as the right move, right now"

"Right now..."

"What?"

"Nothing... just. Right now" Finn felt that the wine was starting to have an effect on him. He felt warmer, way warmer, and the words were starting to flow from his mouth without visiting his head first "It's just funny that right now we are both with no strings attached, you know? Last time the issue was that we had this thing" _Thing_. What thing Finn? Nothing ever happened. But despite the warnings coming from his rational self about the way his words were heading, his mouth kept going independently "but too many forces were against us" he paused and gave her a look. She was listening carefully. She didn't seemed as _warmed_ by the wine as him, but neither as sober as the person that walked, almost three hours ago, through the door. He continued, staring at nothing behind her "But now we are both here, sharing the same glass of wine, and done with our marriages" He smiled gently but faced Alicia with a decided gaze, noticing a tensioned face turning into a tiny smile. He spread his legs under the table and raised the bottle of wine, pretending to be very interested in what the envelop said.

"But. Is there still a thing?" Alicia whispered, looking at him and spreading her legs, mimicking him.

Finn lowered his gaze, coming to watch her naked calves peaking through the edge of the table. She was wearing a black tube skirt, as he remembered, that now seemed quite short, and had her naked feet intertwined, because her heels were lost somewhere behind the table. Maybe she was just as warm as him, but was better at hiding it. He felt her gaze still on his face, but continued staring at her feet. Watching as they slowly disappeared from his view and reached underneath his pants, a little. A cold toe venturing behind the fabric to find someone else's skin. He turned to face her. No need to answer her question. There it was, stronger than before.

* * *

Finn watched the moment evolving around them, being stronger than him or her. He felt he hadn't really met Alicia until this night, yet they have met almost two years ago. They have chatted, drank, worked together, but they haven't met properly. Here, now, he knew her better. They have shared so much in such a brief amount of time that it made what was happening, this moment, verisimilar. If anyone have heard the description of the situation without previous knowledge of the feeling they were sharing they will certainly see it _faux_ , a predictable denouement for a rapid closure. But Finn, with his hands touching her back, her bare back, while her lips traced a path across his neck, trying to make the same as her while a smiled crossed his face, couldn't feel it more real. Because there wasn't any other possible conclusion to this dinner than this. The tide was finally taking over.


	3. Epilogue

"Do you think I'll back down?"

"hmm?"

"From the divorce. If I actually go through with it, do you think I'll regret it?"

"mmm well..."

"I mean. Because of what happened to you, if it might be my case as well"

"You know. I think it wouldn't. You said yourself you have been separated from Peter for almost 6 years now. My marriage separation was kind of abrupt, it came to a peak in which we were living together but couldn't stand each other and something had to be done. You seem to be in a state of calm, of tolerance, of indifference."

"Oh. But I'm not indifferent to Peter. I care about him"

"Yeah, you do, don't get me wrong. is not that kind of indifference, is one in which you don't care about him in the same ways as a married couple? There's no more that dynamic. He is your family. He will always be, because he is the father of your kids. But a divorce will never change that, and I think you already know it better than anyone else. At least that's what I get from what you tell me"

"I can see what you mean. I think it's time"

"Would you regret this?"

"This?"

"Us. Tonight"

"No. i don't think so"

"Good"


End file.
